“Oh no… I did it again,” I said shaking my head hearing Britney Spears sing me the chorus of ‘Oops I did it again...’ while talking to Steve Brophy on the most recent episode of the How to be Human Podcast. “I talked about the sh*t A – Gain.” He laughed, having just read my recent post ‘Processing Our Grief’ for Hedge School.
Grief is not a stranger to either of us. In fact, many folx that I have come across in my life who are burning with a passion, who are alight and alive in the world have also traversed shame, trauma and/or grief in some form.
So why does it keep coming up?
To me, it’s a part of life that we can’t escape and I’d just rather face it (most of the time), than pretend like it’s not there. But WHY do we really talk about it? Ahhh… there she is, the gem underneath, the light in the lament, joy.
From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
joy
\ ˈjȯi \
Definition of joy
(Entry 1 of 2)
1a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : DELIGHT
1b: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : GAIETY
2: a state of happiness or felicity : BLISS
3: a source or cause of delight
joy
joyed; joying; joys
Definition of joy (Entry 2 of 2)
: to experience great pleasure or delight : REJOICE
1archaic : GLADDEN
2archaic : ENJOY
I learned about joy as a kid in church. We sang beautiful songs about joy especially at Christmas time. “Joy to the worlldddd…” But I never thought about what it meant.
Then as a teenager, I met a human named Joy. She was the COOLEST human I’d ever met in my life. She was beautiful, she was fun, she was hilarious and she had swag! She was the kind of person other people just wanted to be around. She was lit! With joy and her name was Joy!
Any time I was close to Joy I felt joyful. She gave me hope for a life and a future that matched my soul. And, while I was close, the joy was not mine, it was hers.
I’ve been searching for this kind of joy. A joy all of my own. Not in the selfish sense as if I need to keep it for myself, but in the sense of being able to internally produce this joy continually no matter what is occurring outside of me.
We could take a deep dive into the neurophysiology, how your brain and body patterns and recognizes joy, but there’s tons of other writers and podcasts for that. What I’d like to do is paint a picture of discovering, flourishing in and expanding our own grounded and centered joy.
How do we do that?
One of the ways is, we flip the script. We stop working so hard and we find ways to play. We remember ourselves as kids, those moments of pure fleeting aliveness and we re-engage this space again and again. Do you remember what you loved as a kid?
We bring our friends with us. We play together. We help them remember and they help us to embody what we remember even more.
We learn the fleeting instances of illusions of joy. For me, a few vices come to mind. I used to love beer. I used to think it brought me joy, well really the only joy I was able to feel in the early 2000’s. But it wreaked havoc on my body, my mind, my emotions and more importantly my relationships. Beer for me is not real joy.
These days the joy I sense can be found in moments of connection and inspiration. I see two people I introduced together, co-creating or healing something, I feel joy. It’s quiet, and subdued, and flooding internally, but it’s there, it’s joy and I celebrate it.
I solve a really hard coding problem to get some project to the next step. You better believe I stand up, put my arms in the air and hold the celebration for at least 20 seconds so my body can soak up the feeling and remember it.
I create a space, a table or home or project all of my own and I invite loved ones to connect, to engage, to enjoy, to feel the space together… to Fremember. And that’s the kind of joy that just keeps reverberating out.
Am I master of joy? Not quite yet. I am a student on the path of joy. And I see no reason why you can’t be too.
*For all those wondering “Fremember” is a term my niece and nephew created. We’ll be diving into Fremembering and joy over the next several months together. Stay tuned.
Be well Hedge Schoolers.
The Path of Joy