Hello Hedge School,
While I've got you...
I've heard this phrase so much that I always joke it should be my legal name. Sure, tt is a turn of phrase. A colloquialism that honours a physical reminder. But sometimes it is much more. When you truly take in the words, the language is off.
There is a boundary crossing. An infiltration, often accompanied with an ask.
Before we know it, an energetic withdrawal has been made through felt obligation and corner backing. And it often happens before you realise it.
In the past, I've always agreed too quickly. Not taken the time to truly assess the priority of their ask amongst the priorities I currently juggle myself. It can be hard to say no. Hard to push back and say that you cannot assist at this particular time. But sharp boundaries are needed. Especially by those who have none. Aiming to please is often done at our own cost. A path that often leads to being walked all over. That often leads to resentment.
Sharp boundaries are a clear constraint.
A clear delineation between inside and outside. A scoping if you wish.
Sharpening the lines is a reclamation of power. A reclamation of integrity. Clear boundaries helps others understand what you value and prioritise. People respect clear boundaries. They indicate clear intent, values and mutual respect. This is what I will do and this is what I won't.
It may mean a few awkward conversations at first but everyone will benefit in the long run.
How to do this
This is not an exhaustive list but a list of strategies I use frequently to ensure clear delineation.
Let people know you have a hard stop at a certain point of time at the start of a meeting or conversation. Most people will honour that. Honour that yourself by sticking to it.
Change your time defaults. Parkinson's Law states that work expands to fill the time we've allocated, so allocate less and getting punchier with your expectations. Set meeting times to 15min for short items or 30min for longer. Get really clear on purpose for meeting and calls to actions. Change your defaults on your calendar/email client on a system level to take away the need to remember.
Get clear on your values and make decisions from that place.
Yes/No Trading. When you agree to one thing, drop another. One for one. I'll trade an inconvenienced colleague for a happy son/daughter any day of the week. A yes to one thing is a no to something else. Always.
Permission to engage. This one is connected to email and social media. Be intentional. Email, as the old adage goes, is someone else's To Do list. Before you open your email client, pause. Are you ready to engage with the asks of others? If not, work on your most important priority. Deep focus will follow if you choose to get locked into your most important items.
Create default responses. For me, I put the ask back on them. Have you logged a job? Or have you checked the FAQ? Or have you spoken to those around you? People see you as the solution to their problem but it comes at a cost. Flying in to save the day makes their day easier but only in the short term. Remember, whoever is doing the heavy lifting cognitively is doing the learning here.
While I’ve got you…choosing to engage in the perusal of this transmission, I wonder what other strategies there are for setting really clear boundaries. I’m building out my boundary toolkit. Sharper lines = sharper constraints = clarity and creativity.
Till next time,
Steve
While I've got you...