Hey Hedge Schoolers,
The fingers hit the keyboard this week during a fourth lockdown in Victoria. Life, once again, is restricted to five-kilometre radiuses, masks, remote learning, and the daily trickle of information related to numbers, bureaucracy, and political posturing. There is a deep remembrance and trepidation as the likelihood of an extended time anchored at home is looking very likely. It is this I wish to explore for this week's inquiry.
How do we navigate the tumultuous seas of inner and outer drama?
Victimhood and the Drama Triangle
Memes on social media have moved from "You've got this Victoria" to "You have no idea what I'm going through." Drama is to be expected right now. The language of the victim plays loudly in our ear.
Why me?
Why Victoria?
Why?
This can be a slippery slope from which to view the world, so I'll follow Bucky's lead and use a model to argue with. One model that works beautifully in this situation is the Drama Triangle. Developed in 1960 by Dr. Stephen Karpman, the Dreaded Drama Triangle is a social model of human interaction. As you can see from the image below, there are three interactions.
The triangle begins with the Victim. A position that many of us find ourselves in now. This is the poor me. Life is happening to me. Conspiring against me. The Victim feels persecuted. Their agency is non-existent and as such, they feel powerless to make positive choices.
The Persecutor can be a person and/or certain conditions or situations. In this case, Covid plays this role. It might be the restrictions that are persecuting or the conditions of not being able to work. These elements are targeting the victim.
The third and final component of the Drama triangle is the Rescuer. This can be a person or vice. Alcohol, food, social media are a few of the common vices used. The rescuer steps in to save the day but only further reaffirms the helplessness and lack of agency. I am feeling punished by this situation and so I reach for this or find comfort in the solace of this person to heal my wound.
The Drama Triangle is powerful for reading the situation you are managing or find yourself in. What language is being used? Is it negative and helpless? Is drama present? The Drama Triangle allows you to objectively see the current lay of the land. The roles are also not fixed and people can shift in different situations. For example, the victim might rise up negatively and become the persecutor. The key thing to be aware of is that this style of interaction is disempowering for all involved.
Law of Rhythms
Before I shift to a path forward, I wanted to bring in an Immutable (doesn't change) Law of the Universe. The law that makes the most sense is the Law of Rhythm. The world works in accordance with a natural rhythm or cycles. The seasons are a perfect example of this. The pendulum swings from the cold of winter to the heat of summer and back again. Tides move from low to high and back again. Nothing stands still. What is powerful about understanding this is that it means that our lows are not permanent. This also means that our highs are not permanent. Life is impermanent.
"This too shall pass" - Persian adage
Being able to weather our storms and appreciate the transient nature of our highs enables us to embrace the impermanence of life. Nothing lasts forever. The Law of Rhythm moves as it needs to move. So cherish the highs. Cherish the lows. Embracing them both gives you the power to ride the rhythm. And that power is what fuels the Empowerment Dynamic.
The Empowerment Dynamic
Developed by David Emerald as a positive alternative to the Drama Triangle, The Empowerment Dynamic is a model of personal and social empowerment. It is designed to increase agency and positive social interaction. Each role shifts. In mindset and action.
The Victim shifts from reacting to choosing. Agency is activated when we do so. In every situation, no matter how dire, we have a choice. Having a say in the response enables the Victim to shift to the Creator. They take control of their own destiny. The mindset shifts from fixed to growth and baby steps allow them to see that they get to self author their own story.
The Persecutor shifts from putting down to building up. They become the Challenger. They move from tearing down the Victim to creating a rich environment for them to rise up. Trust is high in this relationship. In the case of Covid, we start to see the silver lining of life in lockdown. The focus on the simpler elements of life. The collegiality of a community coming together. The sacredness and fragility of life. This can then build up our capacity for resilience. For making the most of the life we have.
The Rescuer shifts from telling to asking. They become the Coach, encouraging the Creator through constructive and empowering inquiry. They use the power of dialogue to allow the Creator to stand on their own feet. To coach instead of rescuing enables the soil of sovereignty to be nourished. Doing the work for others does not serve them. Helping them stand up on their own two feet by cheering on in dialogue helps others to thrive. Vices that typically have been our solace, our reward for trudging through the world, are seen in a new light. Our relationship with them is different. There is less dependency. Our awareness is heightened as we see we have a conscious choice in each situation.
The Empowerment Dynamic is a powerful model to situate ourselves in. A light in times of dark weather patterns. For this too shall pass, and we will swing back the other way. This is the rhythm of life. A joyous rhythm that is all perfect. The highs and the lows. Bypassing one or the other robs us of the unity of life. For as Bucky would say, unity is plural, at minimum two. High needs low. And vice versa.
Unity needs both to exist.
Alive is a life lived in the radiance of a moment
This week, I have stood still in the weather patterns in my head and around me. I've noticed the brooding that shows up. The sunshine that breaks through the clouds. They are all perfect. For I am grateful that I am alive.
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” — Alan Watts
Remember you have a choice in every situation. Whether that is just the ability to stop and take a breath.
Or to wave hello at a stranger.
Be kind to yourself.
Aliveness is everything.
So choose aliveness.
Till next week,
Steve
Drama Got You? Make Friends With Empowered Impermanence