Hello Hedge School,
I've recently felt the call to share more publicly on social media. To speak my own truth. To hear my own voice. This yearning comes from a deep desire to share my own story. For so long, I have been a proxy for the stories of others. The shapeshifter in me harnessing and reflecting the energy of others. But lately, I've just felt the call to speak alive the words I write all the time.
Attentional Thumb Wars
My relationship with these platforms is a cagey one. I, like everyone else, has lost many an attention thumb war to scrolling. Boredom. Voyeurism. Genuine interest. They all play a part. But the most contentious area for me has been yard-sticking.
What do I mean by this?
Social media causes me to continually compare myself to others. This poem I wrote after catching myself in a doom scroll gives you a sense of the feeling I'm left with. I know I'm not alone.
When the mirror tells lies
I see the nothing in no thing
The return I yearn,
gives me no hope.
In desperation,
I seek to hold it all together.
But a filter
of non truth,
stumbles me in comparison.
I can never compete with
the thousand masterstrokes
of illusion.
Instead,
I stand.
Staring,
with no love at all
for the shape I hold in life.
I see this in my kids. As their consciousness comes more online, I see the inhibitions, shyness, and feelings of enoughness that come from comparing our hand with others. As a teacher, I get to see that further exacerbate as the teenage years take hold. The online identity is not merely an extension. It often IS the identity. With all its trickery of filters, angles, and behavioural validation, a social profile can make or break a teenager's existence. It is a sad state of affairs, and one that the big platforms need to take some responsibility for.
So why the shift in my relationship.
It's simple.
I am the only me.
Like Lara said so beautifully last week, we are united in our "only-ness." If I speak truth in the moment and honour my only-ness, maybe it will connect with others who need to feel that truth. To speak their truth. This, I can report, has been the case. I am not speaking to get followers. I am not speaking to sound like I know what I'm talking about. I am simply honouring the truth of the form that I live in. The words that leave my mouth are my song. A song only I can sing. As a shy kid who usually cowered from the spotlight, I just said fuck it and pressed the live button. I couldn't edit the video. I couldn't add anything to it. I could only surrender to the moment. And surrender I did. My shares resonated with many people. But not with everyone. I'm ok with that. But I breathed air into my story, shifting from lurking (man, we need a better word that) to being witnessed.
Comparison will always be a part of these platforms. But the world does not need clones.
The world needs you to step into your own truth and sing that song. That seed is already inside of you waiting to come out.
"The shape that waits in the seed of you to grow and spread it's branches against a future sky."
David Whyte
So I will continue to share videos on socials. To tune my vocal cords for singing. I'd love to witness your song, so press record and sing it to the world. Let's unite in our only-ness.
Till next time,
Steve
Direct Comparison: A tale of a thousand masterstrokes