Hello Hedge Schoolers,
The wind is threatening to blow the windows in as I sit. The kids are in bed and I'm really weary. Tired, I'm just not sure what to write. The fingers are hovering over keys but not committing to any future movement. As they hover, over the wind’s howl, a request is sung in my ear.
Dad, can you tuck me in?
The request, from my seven-year-old son Quinn. A boy who up until a year ago wanted nothing but the comfort of his mum's embrace (still a sucker for a Mum cuddle though). In his world, Mum was everything. Dad barely cracked the top ten. Then something shifted and I became his world. Poor Mum, publicly booted on every occasion.
Can Dad take me?
Can Dad read to me?
Is Dad coming?
The flattery is magic. I get it. My Dad is my idol and I still cherish the moments we get to spend together. And I cherish wholeheartedly the little moments from my youth. He is looking to me like I looked to my father. The inquiry that is most alive for me is not about a boy to man relationship. Family structures are so nuanced today and I have seen many different outcomes. The inquiry that is most alive for me is about seizing the moments.
When my kids would ask for my time, I used to find myself saying no by default. No to play opportunities. No to playful invitations. In my head, I would lord out a platitude of excuses. I'm tired. I'm busy. I'm just not interested in that particular activity. Whatever the excuse, it was met with a defeated glint in their eyes. This is not just for playing with my kids. I would also default to no with requests from mates and family. Upon reflection, there are a few items at play here.
Loose boundaries, doing too much, and the too hard basket.
Loose boundaries - I set up poor energetic boundaries. Work bled into home life. Work bled into rest. The squeakiest wheel overtook my priorities. We all need time to ourselves. To recharge. For introspection. For rest. Since reinforcing these boundaries by getting up early to have time for myself, building a better work-to-home transition strategy, and prioritising recovery, I have felt more energetic.
Doing too much - Saying yes to everything is saying no to the most important things. I revisited my values (check out What do you stand for here) and build my day around what means the most in my life. This simple practice is something I keep coming back to.
Too hard basket - This is just laziness on my part. Ensuring that my energy is good and my priorities are right has helped me re-evaluate this.
Seizing the moments
The blessing of Covid has been more family time. I now catch myself when the requests come through. Dad, can you come and play drums with me? Dad, can you come and play superheroes with me? I hear the old story move through me and then I move toward his request. Even if I can only give five minutes, I give that time with all of my being. The same goes for my daughter. As they grow older, the requests will be less and less so I want to make sure that I grab with both hands all of the moments I can. If we take the offer, we are gifted. Gifted with an eternal moment carried in our hearts.
This poem is a tribute to that gift.
A glimpse of eternity
When glimpses glint
in the eyes of the revered
the wind takes hold of the fresh-eyed sails
Half smiles and twisted feet
hold swaying bodies
nervous with anticipation
It doesn't take much
to lend an ear to a soul
that cranes its neck upward
A gentle touch
A nourishing word
plants deeply in the soil of being
taking hold for life
To you, it is but a second of your time
To them, it is an eternity of joy
A springboard
A lantern that lights the view just enough
for them to take a look and like what they see
So thank you
For the reflection in your eyes
of an ask, a want, a hope
You have given eternity
We are always a work in progress. Fallible. Flawed. But it is the ability to recognise these and make shifts that is delightfully human. The biggest gift we can give those who crane their eyes to look at us is our attention and deep presence.
It is an eternal gift.
Till next week,
Steve
Beyond Deathbed Regrets - Honouring The Seized Moments