Hello Hedge Schoolers,
Thank you once again for gifting me the pleasure of your inbox. So much competes for your attention and I welcome the moments that your soul connects with mine. To the new faces amongst us, thank you, and be sure to check out the first two episodes. I relish the opportunity for deep inquiry so these quests are a delight each week.
This week's penned letter is a question I am still apprenticing to.
What calls out to you?
It is a question that only started turning up the volume ten years ago. The question has moved from acoustic shows in my head, gentle and polite to a full Slipknot onslaught.
First Mountain
Like many of you, my values and stories have shifted over time. In the early stages of our lives, our focus is often largely individualised. Author David Brooks would say that we spend our time scaling our First Mountain. Accolades, career progression, experiences, the white picket fence. The focus is largely on us for our own benefits. For many, the First Mountain is enough. They continue to fill their buckets with trinkets and experiences and life is as it is. But sometimes life has other ideas. And it usually shows up as crisis.
Telos Crisis
A Telos crisis is when we don't know what our purpose is. We find ourselves floundering and flailing. Lost in the tumultuous seas of a noisy, chaotic world. One of what Michael Meade calls the two great stories begins to have its way with us. Our personal myth demands to unfurl and take centre stage in our lives.
**Sidenote**
Reclaim the word myth. Myth is beyond something that is not factually correct. This squeezes the soul out of a word that gifts us the ability to see the world in new and wonderful ways. Thomas Moore defines myth as "a sacred story set in a time and place outside history, describing in fictional form the fundamental truths of nature and human life." That works for me.
Our crisis is a crisis of meaning. The collected trinkets and experiences of the First Mountain don't have the same grab. We need more to get the same fix and even still it barely touches the void. A feeling sweeps over us. A call to adventure cries across the wind and we find ourselves at the precipice. At the edge of the descent into our own darkness. A darkness that scares the shit out of us. But the dark stormy front is necessary. The magic lies in what Michael Meade calls the 'dark knowledge'. The clues to the mystery of our own personal myth lie in the shadows, in the void. In "What do you stand for? we spoke in-depth about values. Voids and values go together. Dr. John DeMartini calls it
"a basic truth: your hierarchy of voids determines your hierarchy of values. Whatever you perceive to be most missing becomes the most important thing in your life."‘
What is absent in our lives often fuels the transformation. Personally, my descent unveiled the ways that I repressed emotion and used substance to surrender. It's not pretty. But it's real. And it's lonely by design. The descent into the darkness, into what David Brooks calls the Valley is something we must do alone. It is soul work. A space where we die to old ideologies and ways of being. It is the time in metamorphosis where the caterpillar weaves the chrysalis and begins digesting the old parts of itself.
Soul work
The butterfly is special to me. When my brother died, we were inundated with them. Not a strange thing in summer but odd at the height of winter. Recognised in many cultures as a symbol of transformation, the butterfly’s journey of transformation mirrors our own. The Caterpillar spends the first part of its life scaling the First Mountain, collecting sustenance and weight. Then it crosses a threshold and begins the descent into darkness. The next part always blows my mind. The caterpillar breaks down the old parts it no longer needs and uses it as fuel for growth for the imaginal discs. The imaginal discs are contained within the caterpillar from birth and through metamorphosis, become the body, head, and wings of the butterfly. Our goal is to discover what our imaginal discs are. As we are born with everything we need inside. Aristotle called this "entelechy". You are born with your full potential. Your life is then about realising that potential. To find as poet David Whyte so eloquently puts its "the one line already written inside you."
I call this your Signature Sound. The sound you make when you finally truly speak. Your signature is the "sign of your nature". The tone that makes the song you play in life deliciously yours. You may call it your calling. Purpose. Reason for being. Your element. Either way, you have a unique gift to give and you need to give it to the world. Help yourself with the courage to play the beautiful hand you were dealt in life. It takes real damn courage to stand on your own two feet and embrace all that a mirror has shown you to be different. These oddities, idiosyncrasies are to be swallowed in a hug of acceptance. A one of a kind expression of unique joy and otherworldly gifts. Your soulprint. One that is uniquely yours to give to the world. Your Second Mountain.
Second Mountain
The Second Mountain is as Frederick Buechner beautifully puts it, "where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." We will go on this quest in the coming weeks. For now, we have much work to do in the darkness of the valley.
Quest Mixtape
Metamorphosis doesn’t happen without our artful participation.
Thomas Moore
Find Space.
A beautiful brother of mine, Leslie Lau has built his life around this mission. This is his Second Mountain. Check out Finding Space for more information. We need to create space to be able to reduce the noise in our lives. Silence. Space. Being alone. These are timeless practices for gifting your soul the opportunity to whisper quietly in your ear. Don’t rush to fill the spaces in your life. The space between sounds is what gifts us music so allow your signature sound to sing. Gift yourself time to be silent and alone.
Retreat to wilderness
Retreating to the wild is a timeless method to reduce the noise and confusion in our lives. Our normal interaction with time (chronos) is swapped for kairos time, where everything happens right when it needs to. Another beautiful practice gifted to me by Jiro Taylor is a practice called “sit spotting”. Put simply, you select a spot in nature that resonates with you and you return to sit there for extended periods of time. This practice in combination with the right mindset is a gift. Below is a picture of mine.
Set boundaries
As a chronic obliger, this one was hard for me. To truly transform, you need all the energy you can muster to stay the journey. Protect your physical, mental, spiritual energy by setting clear boundaries and expectations.
Sacred Ordinary
Find magic in the ordinary of your life. Find the spirit of life that is all around you. Life is beautiful and happening right now in front of you.
I'll sign off this week with one of my favourite poems.
The Journey - David Whyte
Above the mountains
the geese turn into the light again
Painting their black silhouettes on an open sky.
Sometimes everything has to be inscribed across the heavens
so you can find the one line already written inside you.
Sometimes it takes a great sky to find that
first, bright and indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart.
Sometimes with the bones of the black sticks left
when the fire has gone out
someone has written something new in the ashes of your life.
You are not leaving.
Even as the light fades quickly now, you are arriving.”
Till next week,
Steve
It is an absolute honour to be mentioned in your work, brother. "Signature Sound" - a beautiful way to describe it! And the sacred ordinary...therein lies the true beauty and colour of life, it all it's hues and vibrancy. Thank you for this note, brother.